Funny how things change…
15 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Ten years ago, I was in nursing school.
And I was learning a very scary lesson.
I was learning that even though I went to nursing school to be a pediatric nurse, I was NOT going to be able to do that. I went home from clinicals crying, with my heart breaking for the sick little kids…for the baby whose Mommy wasn’t there to rock him so I couldn’t put him down…for little Sammy who was so happy but so injured. Shaken Baby Syndrome. I panicked, wondering, “What have I gotten myself into?”
So I followed the advice of my clinical instructors and chose to work in Med/Surg for a year to get a solid experience base and decide on another specialty. Thankfully, Teresa was the first manager to greet me at the New Grad Open House. Thankfully, she was the manager of the Med/Surg-Oncology Floor. Thankfully, my first job as a nurse ended up being the job that I was meant to do all along. Oncology.
Oncology nursing is my heart. I often get asked, “Oh my God…how do you do that? It must be so sad.” Yeah…it is. But it’s also SO rewarding. A cancer patient realizes how precious each moment is. They live each day to the fullest. They know the value of a smile and a kind word. They know that there’s not enough time to sweat the small stuff. And they appreciate every. little. thing. They inspire me. And give me strength to do the job I do.
So fast forward ten years. I take care of cancer patients all day long. In addition to caring for adults, I am a pediatric nurse. I take care of a 9-month old who is so happy and chubby that I have to fight to keep from biting his legs. I take care of a 2-year old who reminds us that “Hey! I’m big now!” when someone calls him a “little guy”. I take care of a 2-year old who gives a deep belly laugh at something as simple as having his temperature taken…and laughs so hard that drool runs down his chin. I take care of a 3-year old who adamantly advises me (in Spanish) that the Lorna Doones are dessert, only to be eaten AFTER the Cheerios. I take care of a 3-year old who has the face of an angel, whose smile melts my heart, and who likes to watch the Sound of Music on Mom’s iPhone while playing with his Thomas the Train toys. I take care of a 3-year old brown-eyed princess who chooses to demonstrate her artistic abilities by drawing all over herself and her cloths with a hi-liter. Yes, of COURSE it’s a pink hi-liter so that it matches her leggings and her sparkly shoes. And I take care of a 5-year old who can tell you all about the 405 and who needs his PICC dressing to go all the way from his wrist to his “underpit”.
I take care of kids. I am a pediatric nurse, as well as a nurse for adults. I never thought I could do it. But I didn’t have a choice. I do it. And I love it. And I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the the world.
Funny how things change.
Peace in 2012.
01 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Peace
Another year has come and gone. I must admit that 2011 wasn’t a great one, but it’s over…done…and in the books. Time to move on to 2012, whether we’re ready or not.
Each year for the last few years, I have resolved to participate in the “One Little Word” class on Big Picture Classes with memory-keeping genius Ali Edwards. And each year for the last few years, I have failed to do so.
This year, I am not participating in the class, but I’m going to take the journey alone. My “one little word” for 2012 is Peace. Mr. Webster defines it as “a state of tranquility or quiet”; “freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions”; “harmony in personal relations”.
Of course, I pray for world peace. I hope for peace in Hollywood right now as some idiot is going around town setting cars on fire. I hope for peace at work while we are about to embark on new ways of doing things on a daily basis. But most importantly? I am struggling with some inner turmoil at present…and I will be working on peace within myself.
“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
This year, I resolve to find peace. Wishing you, too, peace in 2012.
Reflect.
11 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
September 11, 2011. Ten years since that dreadful, horrific day that changed the life of every.single.American.
The sky was the most beautiful shade of blue and the clouds were white and fluffy. A delightful late-summer morning. I was at work at my part-time job that helped me through nursing school. It was pretty quiet around the office because the annual board meeting was to be that day…in New York City. Most of the staff were in NYC, including my boss and dear friend Kerri. I was checking e-mail and updating calendar stuff when someone got word of the crash into the first tower. It took our breath away because at first they thought it was a small plane…and Kerri was to be on a commuter plane from LaGuardia to Charlottesville that morning at 8:30. We all went into the conference room and sat around the table watching the television as the news unfolded. We were all in shock. It was so quiet. Nobody could speak. We didn’t know what to think. After hearing that a United Airlines flight was involved, I called my friend Kim as her husband is a pilot for United. I was relieved to know that he wasn’t involved.
The rest of the day is a blur. We waited and worried and wondered until we were able to hear from the staff in NYC that they were okay. We waited to hear that Kerri had landed safely back in Charlottesville. Her flights was one of the last ones to land before the U.S. skies were essentially shut down. At the end of the work day, I went home and sat glued to the TV. I had homework to do to prepare for my Psych clinical at Western State Mental Hospital the following day, but I couldn’t concentrate. It was somewhat like seeing a car accident on the freeway. I couldn’t NOT watch the coverage. I was sickened. I was saddened. I felt lost. And alone. I couldn’t sleep. I stayed awake, in a daze, staring at the TV in disbelief.
The next morning, I drove to meet my classmates to carpool to school. There was an eery kind of calm on the way to the convenience store. Nobody in the store spoke, but we all looked at each other as if to say, “I’m sorry.” Complete strangers looked as though they wanted to hug and cry on another’s shoulders. I met my classmates and we drove the 45 minutes to school in complete silence. We got to school and were warned by our instructor that the residents of the hospital were really on edge, paranoid, etc. That day, I sat in the tv room with my patient Lisa. We watched the coverage on TV. She cried and I cried. But no words were spoken. There was nothing anyone could say.
As the days passed, I continued to be pulled to the TV coverage with a magnetic force. I felt the pain of the people who lost friends and family. I felt like I had lost friends and family even though I knew nobody personally who perished on that fateful day. I prayed for the ones who died. I prayed for the ones they left behind…the spouses who said goodbye that morning, assuming that they’d see their loved ones again that night. I prayed for the Moms who were pregnant with children that their husbands would never see. I prayed for the parents who lost children, the children who lost parents. I prayed for the pilots and flight attendants on the planes that went down. I prayed for the guys who tried to stop United Flight 93 from going down. I prayed for the firefighters and paramedics who fearlessly entered the rubble in an attempt to rescue victims, many of them losing their lives in the meantime. I prayed for the service dogs that accompanied them. I prayed.
I prayed for all of America. Because even if we weren’t affected personally, we were all affected. There’s no way you could not be. This day would stay in our memory forever.
So today, on the 10th anniversary of that hellish day, we still remember. We remember like it was yesterday. We remember. We always will. We will never forget.
I leave you with words said by Mahatma Gandhi:
When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.
May God bless you if you’re reading this. And may God bless America. Today and always.
Miscellany on Father’s Day
19 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
With each passing day, I am getting closer and closer to being my old self after my surgery.
My physical therapist Nic is amazing. I have made SO much progress since my therapy sessions started. I still have such a long way to go, though. Doc added two more weeks to my leave which means I’ll be off work for 5 MORE weeks. I miss my work and my co-workers and patients so much. I love being at home with Bubba, but I am sick of being the patient and ready to be the nurse again. I’m pretty sure Bubba is ready for me to go back to work, too, as he’s not getting any work done while I’m at home. Anyway, I still can’t put my hair up but I can now put on my shoes.
Speaking of shoes…I bought two new pairs of running shoes today and tested the pink pair on my first real training session for the Surf City USA Half Marathon. Yes…I am running the Half Marathon in Huntington Beach on February 5, 2012. That’s 33 weeks from today if anybody’s counting. Holy shit! What have I gotten myself into? Anyway, I started the Runner’s World training program today. After carefully comparing it to the C25k, I think the Runner’s World program will better prepare me. It has a more gradual increase in intensity than C25k. We’ll see how it goes. Bubba registered, too…and Liz. Tina and Megan will be registering soon…and hopefully Jenn.
Let’s see. What else is going on? My friend Sharon is expecting her first baby. The little angel is due on June 24 but she is a little stinker and she’s just hanging out in no hurry to grace us with her presence. I can’t wait to meet her…and hold her…and snuggle and love on her.
Speaking of little folks…Logan. Oh my God…Logan. Logan is the darling little man that belongs to my dear friend Linda. We were treated to a visit from them on Thursday…and it made my day. He is a beautiful little guy with a head full of brown curls. His vocabulary is A.Ma.Zing. He’s not yet two and he can already count to 14. Yes….14. Not 5. Not 10. But 14. He knows the difference between a crocodile and an alligator. He calls everyone “Silly-” followed by their name. Like Silly Mama. Or Silly Amy. Or Silly Grandad. That’s what he called Bubba until he realized that Bubba was instead Silly Bubba. He says, “Oh God” at just the right time. When it was time for them to go, he said, “Ok guys. Gimme hug.” My heart melted. What a joy. How blessed are we to be in his life.
Ummm…what else? Oh…we went to our first Dodgers game on Friday night. They lost, but we still had a great time. Andre Ethier hit a home run. The fireworks were superb. And the Dodger Dog and Garlic Fries were pretty damn good, too. We got free tickets to another game so we’re headed back to Chavez Ravine tomorrow night for another game…
…but not before we head to the Rose Bowl for our workout in the morning. See ya there!
Just call my name…and I’ll be there…
20 May 2011 1 Comment
Hello again. As you know, I’ve been absent for a bit. I am watching MJ’s “This Is It” again and feeling sentimental so I decided to pop in for a quick hello and update.
My C25K is temporarily on hold due to shoulder surgery on May 5.
I am off work for at least 8 weeks and already missing my co-workers and patients…but enjoying my time at home with Bubba.
I am getting LOTS of reading done…almost a book a day.
Speaking of books, Bubba is close to announcing a publish date for “Remembering August”. Stay tuned.
Joe died on May 13 and this country lost a helluva man. RIP.
I turned 43 on May 14.
They say the world will end tomorrow but I don’t believe them. I still have too much to do…too many books to read…too many places to go.
The Lakers lost to Dallas in the 2nd round…and I was devastated.
I am becoming a fan of Andre Ethier the Dodgers and am a bit excited about the July 4th game we have tickets to.
I have learned that some things are impossible to do with one hand, especially your non-dominant hand:
- put in contact lenses
- floss your teeth
- put your hair in a scrunchie
- put on your bra
- tie your shoes
I will not complain though. The recovery is tough but it could be so much worse. I actually expected it to be much worse. I am thankful for my amazing surgeon Dr. Justin Saliman…and more thankful for my more than amazing Bubba. He wins the nurse of the year award for sure.
So I won’t be posting as frequently due to the one-handed thing…but I’ll still be around.
Just call my name…and I’ll be there.
Press “PAUSE” to continue.
25 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
Yes, that’s right. Press PAUSE to keep going…
That’s what I told myself during my workout today, Week 4 Day 3. That…and I kept repeating to myself a quote that I’d found on Pinterest yesterday:
”Unless you puke, faint or die keep going.”
So I kept going. There was no puking going on. I didn’t feel like I was going to faint. I felt like I WAS going to die, but I made it back…and several hours later, I’m still alive folks.
The 5-minute warmup walk was a breeze as usual. The 3-minute jog was good, as was the 90-second walk after it. Then came the first 5-minute jog. I just couldn’t go any further and had to switch to walking 4 seconds before it was over. If truth be told, I could have probably jogged for 4 more seconds…but I didn’t know I was so close. So then I walked for 2 1/2 minutes, which again was a breeze. Then came the next 3-minute jog. Not nearly as easy as the first one. As a matter of fact, once it was done, I had to extend my walk from 1 1/2 minutes to 2 1/2 minutes before I could do the last 5-minute jog. And the last 5-minute jog? That. Wasn’t. Pretty. One minute and 21 seconds into it, I had to walk for a minute. Then I jogged for another minute and had to walk for 30 seconds. I just didn’t have it in me today. Well, that and my coach wasn’t with me.
I finished the workout, but with pauses in the running. My workout actually ended up being longer because of the extra walking, but my endurance or stamina or get-up-and-go or whatever the hell you call it was lacking something fierce. I feel like I was an epic fail today.
So Week 5 of C25K kicks it up a notch…and I’m not ready. The only thing standing between me and supposedly being able to jog 20 minutes without walking is a day of Jog 5 minutes/Walk 3 minutes/Jog 5 minutes/Walk 3 minutes/Jog 5 minutes…and a day of Jog 8 minutes/Walk 5 minutes/Jog 8 minutes. And I’m here to tell you: there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of that happening this week.
My rotator cuff repair surgery is scheduled for May 5 (next Thursday) and I was expecting to have to backtrack some for that…I just didn’t expect to have to backtrack THIS soon.
I won’t lie. I feel somewhat defeated. A little beaten. A LOT broken. I keep trying to remind myself that 4 weeks ago I thought I’d die when I tried to jog 90 seconds. And now it’s the 5-minute jogs that are stumping me. The support from my Bubba and my friends (Facebook, C25K and otherwise) is amazing. I know I’ll eventually get over this hurdle. And I won’t fall over it like I did in Mr. Lee’s 6th grade gym class. I’ll jump over it.
It won’t be easy.
But I’ll just keep pressing “PAUSE” to continue.
It’s not about how many times you fall.
22 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
in exercise
What a week.
This one kicked my ass butt, I tell ya.
I worked four days in a row. That’s something that I haven’t done in a LONG time. Sunday was a short day, just 8 hours, and filled with lotsa smiles (and 25 pounds of delicious chubbiness). Monday was insane, as was Tuesday…and Wednesday. By insane, I mean crazy busy, no time to eat, no time to pee, barely time to breathe. When I got off work Wednesday night, I breathed the longest sigh of relief in history.
But within 30 minutes, I was crying. We were leaving the Verizon Wireless store after getting new phones and service. We WILL not be forced to deal with AT&T’s crappy service once they merge with our beloved T-Mobile. With new phone in hand, we sauntered towards the car…until I missed the step. And fell. I mean FELL HARD. I tried to fall on my left arm so as not to injure my right shoulder more. I’m already having surgery to fix it on May 5. I did that, but really strained my left shoulder. Still today, it feels like I’ve been bench-pressing our car. I somehow landed on my right knee, which is the knee that I sometimes have trouble with. For a few minutes, I thought I couldn’t move it. I laid on the ground and cried. Really cried. Like sobbed. I was pissed that I fell because I wasn’t paying attention. But more than that, I was scared: scared that I had really injured myself and that my Couch-2-5k program was headed back to the couch for good.
With Bubba’s help, I made it to my feet. I walked limped the rest of the way to the car. I cried some more. And then some. I came home and went to sleep without reading for the first night in over a year. And I slept almost 12 hours. I got up yesterday for about 3 hours and went back to bed for 4 more hours. I was stiff. And sore. And still mad. And still worried that I wouldn’t be able to continue my running.
But today, I decided to try. Week 4, Day 1, it was. It’s a beautiful day outside. There was a breeze in my face and Bubba by my side. I won’t lie and say the 2nd 5-minute running interval was easy. Bubba kept saying, “Look ahead…it’s almost done…you can do it.” And I kept saying, (to myself so as not to expend energy by talking) “I can only do this for 2 more seconds. I can only do this for 2 more seconds.” We got to the corner of Sunset and LaBrea and had to run in place while waiting for the light to change. It was then that I checked the timer for the first time. 17 seconds. Yes, I could do it. And I did.
So really…it’s not about how many times you fall. It’s how many times you get back up that matters.
I will fall again. But I will keep getting up. I will, dammit.
Warning: May Cause Side Effects!
16 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
I’ve just learned that running may cause side effects and I just wanted to share my findings…
10. Increased self-confidence.
9. Higher energy level.
8. Stiff knees.
7. Feeling that you’re “unstoppable”.
6. A few pounds of weight loss.
5. A reason to buy more shoes! (even if they are running shoes…)
4. Stiff neck from wearing heavier necklaces. (They’re called finisher medals.)
3. Smaller appetite. (For real.)
2. Uncontrollable urges to exercise MORE.
1. Insanity. (88 degrees, no breeze, hot as hell. There were times, not so long ago, that I wouldn’t have gone out in that weather unnecessarily…unless it was to go to the pool or beach, to go for a ride in the air-conditioned car, or to go to the grocery store for ice cream. Today? I went out in it to complete my C25KW3D3!)
Most of these are tolerable.
And for the one that’s not? #8? Stiff knees?
Try Advil and ice. And you’re all good.
The ABC’s of Life
15 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
Accept differences.
Be kind.
Count your blessings.
Dream.
Express thanks.
Forgive.
Give freely.
Harm no one.
Imagine more.
Jettison anger.
Keep confidences.
Love.
Master something.
Nurture hope.
Open your mind.
Play fair.
Quell rumors.
Reciprocate.
Seek wisdom.
Touch hearts.
Understand.
Value truth.
Win graciously.
Xeriscape.
Yearn for peace.
Zealously believe in good.
Borrowed from here. I already know my ABC’s…but I did learn two new words today: jettison and xeriscape.
Happy Firday!
Whatta Week!
14 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
What a week it’s been!
Three days of work (Sun/Mon/Tues) but not so bad. Monday was crazy busy, but I survived. After those three days, perhaps I should have taken a “day of rest” from my workout. But I was worried that doing nothing for 3 days already was going to hold me back. So yesterday, I did Week 3, Day 1. And it wasn’t so bad.
I returned for Week 3, Day 2 today…and it about killed me. I came in and collapsed on the couch, taking a nap before I could even take a shower. As soon as I started, even though I stretched, my knees started hurting. I mean really hurting. So much so that I started to turn around and come back home before even getting to the corner. I kept going, though. And finished. But it wasn’t easy.
I’ll be taking a break tomorrow so that we may go on our once monthly book shopping excursion. I can’t wait! It’s not like I don’t have enough books for the next year, but I always want more.
And speaking of books, one certain someone who I’m quite fond of finished his book on Tuesday. Yes, folks, THE Rodney V. Earle finished the first novel of the planned saga. After 3 1/2 years of writing. After over a year of it being almost done. You can go here to read the novel online…but hurry. Once it’s picked up by a publisher, he’ll have to take it down. It’s been “The Ranch Hand” all along, but last night the title was changed to “Remembering August”.
So that’s been my week so far. What’s going on in your week?
